


A little about me

by Littledanceingdragons



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-18 14:08:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18701152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littledanceingdragons/pseuds/Littledanceingdragons
Summary: The slow destruction of Steve rogers. (Potentially triggering content please read the tags)(Steve is kinda OC, sorry this is mostly a vent piece after seeing endgame)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Again: 
> 
> Please read the tags and be aware of what this story is before you read. Thanks and enjoy (bro I'm so fucking sorry for this)

Steve didn't know that Tony had a kid. He wanted to hate it, hate the content and happy expression on Tony's face as he held the child he had with Pepper. 

Pepper. 

Steve couldn't be angry. Tony was happy. Really happy. 

So when he saw Tony, half dead leaning against a chunk of metal. Pepper crouched in front of him. It was the middle of the battle. He grit his teeth slamming the hammer down through a monsters skull and his half shield through another. 

" Get medical attention to Tony now! " He orders, body already pushing itself, running clear across everything. Pepper turns around, the armour Tony made lighting up. Palms raised to the grey monster, Steve is faster. 

He jumps on top of it, words fly from his mouth and before he knows it the creature is dead at his feet. Breathing labored he sees Pepper take Tony away, a flash of blue and he's fighting again. 

At the end the pain that rocks his body is so familiar. It's the same as the cuts he used to make. The black rushes him, and this time he doesn't fight. Maybe maybe he hopes, dares to hope. They'll be ok. 

Bright lights hurt his eyes. 

His ears hear soft beeps, a familiar sound. A groan slips past his lips, eyes shutting again. Unaware of the group of people, people he's fought with and protected gathered around his bed. 

He starts crying, soft sobs breaking through. Natasha, Vision. The pain spreads through him until he can't breathe, it strangles him the same way his asthma did. He shatters the way he does when he's alone in his room at night, a mess of tears and aches from pushing himself too hard in training. 

" Steve " hands touch him gentle and kind. He jerks head snapping up, facing the concerned facial expression of Tony. Everyone wears the same expression, eyes wide with worry, mouths pulled into a thin line. 

Almost frantically he wipes the tear tracks away. " Sorry " he mumbles, pressing his palms into his eyes. Pressing hard enough to see spots. Hands grab his wrists, pulling them away from his eyes. Blinking away the new tears springing into his eyes he looks up at Thor.


	2. Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor has somethings to say to Steve and so does Tony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry for the late update! Life's been a bit crazy recently I'll try to not update irregularly thank you for your patience!

Steve looks at Thor, his short cropped hair making him look almost more tough than usual. 

" Are you ok? " A simple question he doesn't know the answer too.   
Not anymore. 

Figuring he can't embarrass himself any worse he just shrugs.   
" I don't know " he wants to laugh but he can't, his voice feels stuck in his throat. Almost enough to hurt. 

" What's wrong? " He just looks at him, something in his eyes made Thor's brows narrow. Slowly his mask cracks and somehow the strong leader and compassionate man they know so well is gone in less than a minute. 

Right now Steve isn't Captain America he's just Steve Rogers a boy from Brooklyn. Thor wraps him in a hug, careful of his frail body. He cries for who knows how long, Steve certainly isn't counting. 

Pulling away from each other once he can't cry anymore. " Thank you Thor I appreciate it. I'm sorry for breaking down " he just laughs placing a hand on his shoulder " nonsense friend! Breaking down is something no one can control. You should not feel bad " 

Steve wants to smile to show him he appreciates it but before he can even attempt to do that, there's a cough from the doorway. 

Turning his head he's met with Tony Stark, one-sided love of his life. " Can I talk to the all mighty cap alone? " Thor nods and everyone files out of the room. Steve resists the urge to look at his hands. 

" I've never seen you avoid looking at me. " He almost flinches. Forcing his head up he offers a weak smile. " Sorry I'm not exactly myself right now. " 

He raises an unimpressed eyebrow, " I can see that. " Of course you can Steve thinks, you've always been able to read me like a book. 

" Yeah of course you can. " Steve almost immediately wants to punch himself. " Wow got some balls now don't we? " Steve doesn't stop himself from snarking back.   
" Been having them since the war. " 

Without missing a beat Tony perfectly mimics Yoda, " oh? The sass is strong with this one ". Steve finds himself laughing before he can register it. Once he's done laughing Tony asks the million dollar question. 

" What's wrong Steve? " His body stiffens, debating telling him that he's horrified that he had treated Tony like a monster and a scapegoat while loving him. That he still loves him but he won't get between Tony and his family. 

That he's happy for him even though Tony found his happy life. Without him. 

He decides he's tired of holding it all back. It might be selfish but he tells him. 

" I'm happy that you are happy and that's it. There's nothing to be done about it. " He finishes, looking down at his hands again.   
" You don't have to say anything about it. I've made my peace with it, it just appears my heart hasn't. " 

He doesn't raise his head, even after Tony walks out, the door swishing shut behind him automatically. 

He said he made his peace with it. 

He lied.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks!


End file.
